The Ideal World

In an ideal world everyone is able to deliver potentially difficult feedback with grace and respect. Leaders are able to:

1. Start with the positives to establish trust and build confidence.
2. Offer suggestions that improve future performance.

Benefits of Investing in a Quality Rubber Suit

There may be times when leaders, unknowingly, deliver feedback that makes people feel crummy. To the employee, it feels like:

• It erases all accomplishments.
• No one appreciates the hard work or sees the positive results.
• The only focus is on the past and what went wrong!

Given that no one is perfect (not the employee or the manager), it’s important to have perspective. We’ve all heard the saying that the best way to change something is to start with yourself.

Here are some tips your employees can try when they receive difficult feedback.

• Self-assess performance.
• Celebrate the positives.
• Accept the feedback as a fact to consider.
• Acknowledge the time invested as a gift.
• Choose one improvement item they can work on, and communicate this.
• Don’t let well-intentioned suggestions for improvement erase the accomplishment.

Leaders, get your people to put on their rubber suits – it’s important to learn how to let some feedback bounce right off. Let them choose how to use your feedback!

This will help them avoid internalizing events that makes them feel unworthy. Hold on a minute! I am not saying they should dismiss ALL feedback because “without feedback we are flying blind” (great quote by Joseph R. Folkman author of “The Power of Feedback”). The benefit of investing in a quality rubber suit: it helps you accept all feedback objectively to be able to identify the feedback you can USE.

An Example

You ask an employee into your office. He expects rave reviews on his latest report. He worked hard and people commented on how great his work was. He was not prepared for what you were about to say. Your aim is to help him improve, so you list all the things he could have done better. As you continue the conversation you explain that he should have been more thorough and have included this information from the start.

When the employee doesn’t put on a rubber suit first, here’s what could happen:

 Of course he respects your opinion and accepts that his work was unacceptable.

• He feels completely demoralized and unappreciated.
• He thinks he may need to find a different job because he can’t possibly put in more hours to produce the perfect results you expect.
• He’s overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to start to make things right.

With his rubber suit on, the outcome is different:

He respects your opinion and can objectively see the gaps you are sharing with him.

• He takes notes on what he feels he should have done and listens to your feedback.
• With the rubber suit on, he is able to keep the discussion professional and not personal.
• You have taken time out of your busy day to share your thoughts so it must mean that you care.
• He shares the things that he feels he did right and asks you if you agree. Starting a dialogue here strengthens your relationship.
• When you are done, he reviews your feedback and identifies the 1 or 2 items that he feels he can work on.
• Communicating this shows that he respects your time.
• It also shows that he can identify the actions that he can impact the most and how he will proceed.

Questions to Ask Yourself

• What are the benefits of encouraging my people to invest in quality rubber suits?
• What challenges have I had in giving feedback? How did I feel afterwards?
• How can putting on a rubber suit help my people going forward?
• What skills or tools have I used to transform a difficult conversation into positive outcomes?

Share a story or tips that have worked for you!

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Sonia Di Maulo is a Feedback Enthusiast, Professional Speaker and Performance Improvement Consultant.

Mission: Partnering with HR professionals to solve morale, turnover, and internal communication issues using the 3+1 feedback model.